we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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