We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
