There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize