i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
