Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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