So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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