Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
