have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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