I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What did we do last night that was yellow?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
