I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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