I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
