It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
