my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize