Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
