You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
