He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize