The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
