I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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