I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
