I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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