Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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