I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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