I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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