hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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