Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
