I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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