I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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