Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i came on her dog
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
