I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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