Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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