hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
