Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
