This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
