they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How external is "for external use only"?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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