i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
