When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
