using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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