trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize