Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
