No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
third nipple confirmed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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