Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
