Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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