She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
