someone get that fucking seahorse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
