Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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