how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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