If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
