Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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