maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
