do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
