every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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