we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
