Do you still have your period?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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