What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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