shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
