Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
