Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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