I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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