U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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