dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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