Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
