you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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