i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
