: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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