UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
