I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
