i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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