If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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