i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
